I’ve had a pretty cushy life so far. Compared  to some, who have had nothing, no support, had to grow up early,  had to make tough decisions at an early age. Compared to them  I’ve definitely had it easy. I think the worst thing that ever  happened to me was getting picked on in elementary school. That  really pales in comparison. I’ve always had an amazing family,  I’ve always had support and love, and I wouldn’t trade that  for the world. But I’m staring to realize that it has affected  the way I live. 

 

Coming into this Rockstar thing, I had thought of myself as a risk taker. Just coming her and doing this felt like a risk, performing in front of millions, not knowing what the experience would be like, and not knowing how I’ll be portrayed or received  by the public. 

 

Now I’m realizing that there is a whole other level  of risk taking, a much deeper level that I’ve never ever faced before. I  feel like I’ve been given the best slap in the face a person could  ever hope for. Now I’m realizing that I have to stop being so safe  and stop worrying about all the potential negatives and really step  up to the plate. In life, not just in “Rockstar TV land”.

 

This  is a learning process for me, and it’s awesome. I’ve learned  so much about myself since I’ve been here.

I realize that I have been afraid of too many things, and living  in fear makes your world really small. All my complaints in the last  ten years have been about wanting to experience more, about wanting  a bigger, fuller life. Being here, being compared side by side with  some of the most talented people in the world and some of the biggest  personalities I’ve ever encountered is teaching me that it’s  me who's’ been holding myself back from that happiness.
      
Now  I just have to find a way to forget about the fear and start living. I  feel like I’m just on the cusp, of a whole new life and a new  way of thinking and being. I wrote a song a while back and the chorus  goes, “I’m standing on the edge of what will be.” And its’  all about being on the brink of something new and unknown and just believing  that its’ going to be good, whatever it is. Even if it’s bad, somehow  it’s still good. And once again, that is ringing true for me.
    
You  want things in life. They are right there for you . You just  have to have the balls to reach out and grab them. That is the hard  part. you have to find a way to get rid of the know in your stomach  or the pain of fear hat you feel when you think about doing something  that you’re afraid of doing. It’s the only way to experience life  fully. And that is what I want.

 

Sometimes it  seems like all the signs are pointing in the same directions, and  there’re BIG NEON signs, and I’d be a fool not to follow them.