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Jenny's SpaceJuly 20 July 16I’ve had a pretty cushy life so far. Compared to some, who have had nothing, no support, had to grow up early, had to make tough decisions at an early age. Compared to them I’ve definitely had it easy. I think the worst thing that ever happened to me was getting picked on in elementary school. That really pales in comparison. I’ve always had an amazing family, I’ve always had support and love, and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. But I’m staring to realize that it has affected the way I live.
Coming into this Rockstar thing, I had thought of myself as a risk taker. Just coming her and doing this felt like a risk, performing in front of millions, not knowing what the experience would be like, and not knowing how I’ll be portrayed or received by the public.
Now I’m realizing that there is a whole other level of risk taking, a much deeper level that I’ve never ever faced before. I feel like I’ve been given the best slap in the face a person could ever hope for. Now I’m realizing that I have to stop being so safe and stop worrying about all the potential negatives and really step up to the plate. In life, not just in “Rockstar TV land”.
This is a learning process for me, and it’s awesome. I’ve learned so much about myself since I’ve been here.
I realize that I have been afraid of too many things, and living in fear makes your world really small. All my complaints in the last ten years have been about wanting to experience more, about wanting a bigger, fuller life. Being here, being compared side by side with some of the most talented people in the world and some of the biggest personalities I’ve ever encountered is teaching me that it’s me who's’ been holding myself back from that happiness.
Now I just have to find a way to forget about the fear and start living. I feel like I’m just on the cusp, of a whole new life and a new way of thinking and being. I wrote a song a while back and the chorus goes, “I’m standing on the edge of what will be.” And its’ all about being on the brink of something new and unknown and just believing that its’ going to be good, whatever it is. Even if it’s bad, somehow it’s still good. And once again, that is ringing true for me. You want things in life. They are right there for you . You just have to have the balls to reach out and grab them. That is the hard part. you have to find a way to get rid of the know in your stomach or the pain of fear hat you feel when you think about doing something that you’re afraid of doing. It’s the only way to experience life fully. And that is what I want. Sometimes it seems like all the signs are pointing in the same directions, and there’re BIG NEON signs, and I’d be a fool not to follow them. July 14 July 10I’ve been doing a lot of hanging out by the pool today. Woke up a little hung over from last night partying, post-performance. It’s always fun to come back to the mansion after a long day of taping and have dinner and drinks. Everyone’s stress is gone and we seem to just always have a great time. I’ve still loving the company I’m in-ever more as I get to know everyone more. Not to say that on one ever gets on my nerves because of course that will happen with anybody, but these are some truly cool people. I have to say. I hear sounds floating out from the various rooms in the mansion-Chris is recording some cool sounds on the keyboard. Sometimes I hear Magni or Josh playing guitar or Ryan on the piano. It’s nice because there’s no other music around here. It’s calming. June 29Hello world, It’s me, your friendly neighborhood rock star. Well, that’s what I’ve got to prove, isn’t it? I am so glad to have come all this way and that I have this chance to show the world who I am and what I can do. I mean, who gets these kinds of chances, Really? So far everything has been pretty unbelievable. From the whole lengthy audition process to being chosen to be on the show to living in a beautiful mansion in L.A. ( which feels worlds away from Vancouver)- it has been crazy! The craziest part so far was was my getting food poisoning that was a first for me. It was, of course, unpleasant to say the least. Two days of being out-of-commission, right at the very start, right when everyone was just getting to know each other. I felt so sad that I had to lay there while everyone else was partying and talking and having laughs. But, I got better and now I’ve finally gotten to know everyone and they are one exceptional group of people. Right now they are my world, being that we’re cut off from the rest of the world to some degree. And I have to say, they aren’t a bad world to have! I’ve never been surrounded by such talented people before. Just the other night we all gathered in the ballroom and played our own original songs for each other, one at a time, in a big circle with candles. Every person had something so special and so unique to offer. It was truly one of the coolest nights of my life- and everyone felt the same way. We all went to bed feeling pretty special that night-to be in such fine company My roommate Storm is awesome. She’s loud, beautiful, funny, confident and such an individual. I’m so glad we’re roomies. It’s been less nerve-wracking than I thought it would be being here. Maybe it was the food poisoning being the worst thing that could happen-everything after that seems like a piece of cake. However, that being said-I’m doing my first performance in front of supernova and the audience and however many millions of people tomorrow and I wish I could say that I’m cool as a cucumber. But I’m not, and I’ve just been practicing the song on the most beautiful gold top Gibson les Paul they have provided for me ( Thank You!!). And I’m going to get back to it. I hope all you people out there in the “real world” enjoy what we’re offering. There is an incredible amount of talent in this group and this summer is definitely going to rawk! Cheers. |
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